Archive for June, 2014

WE’RE NOT THAT DRUNK!

Posted: June 30, 2014 in Sports
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We did it! WE FREAKING DID IT! The United States has advanced to the knockout stage of the 2014 FIFA World Cup. And to those of you who thought we would be content with simply advancing, NEWS FLASH – We’re not that drunk. Hey! They aren’t that drunk. We want to taste more of the sweet nectar that is victory. Standing in our way is a Belgium team that many experts considered to be a dark horse to win this World Cup. Well, I’m no expert, but anyone who believes that Belgium is better than America doesn’t know shit from apple butter.

If you have not had the displeasure of viewing a Belgium game, here is what you’ve missed:

Flopping
Fans waiving sideways German flags
Flopping
Some crying
And more flopping

Some onlookers might claim that since Belgium won their group outright and never lost a match makes them outrageously better than the US, but look at their damn group: Algeria, Russia and South Korea… Group H should have been nicknamed what it was: liquid diarrhea. Also, Belgium led for a total of 24 minutes, and had a GD of +3, hardly dominant.

Join me in my boycotting of waffles and Belgium beer this week as we show these pussys’ how American’s play soccer.

Andrew Murky, MBA

Going for the W

Posted: June 25, 2014 in Sports
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We are 24 hours away from kicking off a day that could redefine American Soccer. Everyone is aware what the US needs to do to advance. And if you are getting your hopes up for a conservative non-attacking game, I think you’ll be dissapointed. Klinsmann is way too arrogant to play for a draw against anyone.

Even if the US and Germany try to reach a “play to a draw” agreement before the match, I can only assume it would be similar to the conversation Germany and Poland had before WWII.

German Captain: Vee hav enov ov zee vield, und vee hav nein interest in invading your side (giggle giggle)

Dempsey: Err umm, sounds good(raising an eyebrow)

Besides, I would like to think that the US wants to prove it can win this tournament! What better way then to knock off a juggernaut, and subsequently give the US a much easier path through the knockout stage. Regardless of the outcome tomorrow, let’s leave everything we have on the field. To the Outlaws in Recife, provide the vocal support our boys’ need to advance.

Oh, one last thing. Let’s win this fucking game.

Prediction: USA-2 Germany-1

Andrew Murky, USA

Ready to Advance

Posted: June 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

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Ok, so we squandered a great opportunity to assure advancement, but the US are still right where they wanted to be all along. They control their own destiny. They’ll also be playing a German team that has absolutely no incentive to do anything but draw the US. The US memory will have to be shorter than that midget on France, but there’s no doubt in my mind they’ll come out fired up, and ready to play a close competitive game vs Germany. If that happens, relax, we are moving on. The computer is already indicating we have nearly an 80% chance of advancing, odds any American will take.

Let’s not worry about whatever is happening in that other game being played at 11 am. Join me in going all in on America! And the belief we will carve our own path and advance on our terms.

Andrew Murky, MBA

Game Two is Here

Posted: June 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

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The US now officially knows what it needs to advance, with a win today, not only would the US be guaranteed a trip to the knockout stage, but they would also be in the driver’s seat to win the group. Who (besides me) would have thought that was a real possibility a week ago? Portugal is a wounded duck that the US must take down early and not let hang around. Based on the shellacking they received from Germany, it would appear the US matches up well considering all Germany could manage out of a team the US already defeated was 1 point.

Ghana, quite frankly had beasts’ at the midfield position. Although Portugal might be more sound tactically, they do not have the size or speed of the Ghanians. Look for the US to have a lot more possession and dictate the pace of this game.

Prediction: US-3 Portugal-0

Andrew Murky, MBA

I believe that we will win

Gotta Have Faith

Posted: June 19, 2014 in Sports
Tags: , , , ,

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As I sip my cup of dark roasted coffee and scan through the morning World Cup headlines I can’t help but get cautiously optimistic about the Yanks’ chances on Sunday vs Portugal. The question that many US soccer doubters keep posing to the faithful is: “why do you have faith!?” After giving this some real thought (at least 3 minutes), the obvious answer that kept resonating with me was, “‘Cause…. We’re America!”

I equate the US Soccer Team to a high schooler who drives a hunk of shit but is convinced it’s the best thing since sliced bread… This is an ’89 Honda, HOW DARE YOU!? However, this is an ’89 Honda that I believe in my heart the US will drive to World Cup glory. Sure, the NOS may have been removed with the injury to Altidore, but I always found that pressing the windshield wiper fluid button and making vroom sounds worked almost as well as real NOS anyway (not really). Besides, Paul Walker’s ghost will be on the pitch on Sunday giving our boys that extra speed when they need it most. Bottom line, why would any true red blooded American accept the fact that our National Team isn’t that good? Accepting that we aren’t that good at soccer – or anything – I imagine must be what it feels like to be French. Klinsmann has made it clear we aren’t playing for a tie Sunday. As always, we are America, and we are coming out swinging knowing that we will win!

Andrew Murky, MBA