Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Cubs’

cubs fan

Hey gang, I am declaring today National Punch a Cubs Fan in the Face Day (patent pending).  Although the north siders might be some lovable losers, there’s no good reason not to punch them in the head.  Make sure you hit them hard, and when they get angry, which they inevitably will, take your thumb and insert it between your middle and pointer fingers, press it against their nose, pull your hand back, and say “got your nose!”  You’ll both end up laughing so hard they’ll forget why they were mad in the first place.  Haha, oh my! Where does the time go?

Until next time,

-Andrew Murky

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Honorable mentions:

A League of Their Own

We love Tom Hanks and this would have made the top 10, but I just don’t buy into the premise that women can play sports(excluding stripping), or provide any type of real entertainment outside of comedic when attempting to do so.  “Women can’t play baseball!”  Well said Tom.  And For those feminist out there screaming foul; get your big butts back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

Tin Cup

This is one of the greatest golf stories ever told, but there was only room for two Kevin Costner flicks on our top ten, we do have a proclivity to think of Costner when thinking about sports.  And With an ass like that who wouldn’t cast him?

Major League

“Just a bit outside.” This movie is loaded with tons of great one liners so it definitely earns an honorable mention.

The Replacements

Is it just me or do you also think Shane Falco could be a better nfl QB than Joe Flacco.  Prove me wrong!  Although Flacco wins the unibrow contest hands down!

Little Giants

Christina Ricci is the Ice Box.  <insert completely inappropriate “box” joke here(or your penis)>

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for, the unbiased sports reporters top ten sports movies of all time!

10) Rookie of the Year      

rookie of the year

“Rowengardner!”  The entire premise of this movie is fantastic.  A squirrely looking kid, Henry Rowengardner, breaks his arm and it heals back with super human strength.  The Chicago Cubs soon discover his talent after a home run is hit off the lovable losers, and Henry chucks the ball from center field to home plate.  Also, Who can’t love a movie with Gary  Busey? The man drinks his own piss!  Ebert may have given this movie one thumb down but I give it Two thumbs up your butt!

9)Bull Durahm

bull durham

Susan Sarandon, in my unbiased opinion, is uglier than Steve Buschimi on a bad day, but even her horse face can’t deny this movie’s brilliance.  There is just something about minor league baseball that really makes this movie identifiable.  It wouldn’t have had the same feel had it taken place in the big leagues.  Just don’t go to this flick looking for any spank bank material, unless you’re into chicks that look like steaming piles of shit.

8) Rudy

rudy

The little engine that could.  This is a true underdog story, and I think anyone ever picked last in gym can identify.  Let’s not forget that If it wasn’t for Rudy, the ring of the Dark Lord Sauron would have never been destroyed…

7)The Mighty Ducks

mighty ducks

Emilio!!!! Growing up we use to run a play on my CYO basketball team inspired by the flying-V.  Of course we were all whistled for setting illegal picks, but the hilariousness of the flying V was great.  This move taught me that if you drink and drive you will get pulled over, arrested, and assigned a rambunctious, yet talented, peewee hockey team to coach.  This team will end up teaching you more than you could ever teach them.  Think I’ll crack a few beers tonight and go for a drive (fingers crossed).

6)Rocky IV

rocky2

“I ain’t hear no bell!”  Rocky IV is the great American tale. If it wasn’t for Sly we’d all be speaking Russian and eating dog shit! America!

5)Jerry McGuire

jerry mcguire

“I’m not gonna do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do…” Gotta love Jerry McGuire and Rod Tidwell!  However, I would not shoplift Renee Zellweger’s pootie for all the kwon in the world.

4)Hoosiers

hossiers

Remember this drunk?  He liked to party!  This is one of my favorite comedies of all time.  Dream big! Go Hoosiers!

3)Caddyshack

caddyshack

Bill Murray at his best. Who can’t help but love this tear jerker.  Caddyshack is one of the most inspirational films ever made.

2)Field of Dreams

Field-of-Dreams-Gospel

Kevin Costner again!? This movie is a masterpiece.  It makes absolutely no sense, and I would have preferred an ending where the protagonist wakes up from a dream, a wet sloppy dream 😉

1) Return of the Jedi

return of the jedi

Rather than justify why this is the greatest sports movie ever, I will let the following sound effects do the justification:  Pew pew! Shhhhaaazzzz shhhhbang!  Mrrrruuu! Vroom! Pew pew! Dooooshblam!

Well there you have it; our unbiased breakdown of the greatest sports movies ever made.

-Andrew Murky

1)     St_-Louis-Cardinals-Logo St. Louis Cardinals-The Cardinals once again look like the team to beat in the N.L.  The starting pitching has been fantastic and now that the offense is starting to wake up they look like the strong favorites to win their 12th World Series Championship.  How good are they?  As good as Dustin Hoffman in Rainman- let’s get retarded.

2)      Atlanta Braves– Atlanta is hotter than Brooklyn Decker in Just Go with It.  Nobody can dispute the Braves fantastic start to the season, but until this team can prove they can beat the Cardinals they will remain #2 in the rankings.

3)      Colorado Rockies-The Rockies are cooler than an Eskimo wearing Sean Jean.  Now I don’t think this team can sustain its impressive start, but we can’t rank them any lower than third with only 4 losses on the young season.

4)      San Fran-average attendance for San Fran home games is well over 30,000; this is well above the league average.  The average weight for their starting infielders is well over 250 pounds, this is also well above the league average.  They are the current world champions so I do have to give them some dap.

5)      Arizona D-backs-Need to see more.  I think they have some real good young talent, but with a loaded West the D-back will have a tough time making the playoffs.

6)      Washington Nationals-This team is so loaded but I am not sold.  Bryce Harper looks like the real deal but this team does not.

7)      Pittsburgh Pirates-The buckos look like they might be solid again, but this team has fooled us the last two years by looking like the real deal until folding late in the season.

8)      Milwaukee Brewers-Not so easy without all those steroids…  Not impressed.

9)      LA Dodgers-The Dodgers might be the biggest disappointment thus far in the young season.  This team is also guilty of running their mouths and not being concerned about the end result on the field.

10)   San Diego Padres-I couldn’t concentrate on baseball if I lived in such a gorgeous city either…

11)   NY Mets-send that big Apple back to the orchard. I dunno, this team doesn’t impress me.

12)   Philadelphia Phillies-Phillies have some strong pitching but have been disappointing thus far in the young season.

13)   Cincinnati Reds-Cincinnati has one of the dumbest managers in the big leagues.  If Dusty could keep his team from running their mouths I could see the Reds contending for a championship, but he is more concerned about puffing out his chest, chewing his toothpick, and basically looking dumb.

14)   Miami Marlins-What’s not to love?  The 4-15 record or the gay pride parade that takes place in center field after each home run.  In all seriousness this team is a joke. Relegation?

15)   Chicago Cubs-They like keeping it real, REAL DUMB.  Are Cubs fans really saying “Wait for next year” already?

-Unbiased Sports Reporters