Archive for November, 2013

Blues Maul Bruins

Posted: November 22, 2013 in Sports
Tags: , , , ,

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Last night the two best teams from their respective conference paired off in Boston. The Blues got the win – a small consolation prize for the city of St. Louis after a steroid-aided Red Sox team took out the Cardinals in this years World Series. Although Boston has the most points in the East it is worth noting they would not even qualify for the playoffs if they played in the West. Regardless, the Blues celebrated with a 3-2 shootout win thanks to shootout goals by Steen and Roy. The dickbags from Boston could only watch as their goaltender through a temper tantrum on the ice after some questionable goaltending in the shootout.

The Blues will be back home Saturday, and will look to improve on their league best winning percentage when the Dallas Stars visit the Scottrade Center.

Andrew Murky, MBA

“Bring back tub girl!” -Anonymous

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Reconfirmed Hatred of Rick Pitino

Posted: November 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

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Rick Pitino is, and always will be, a shady D Bag. The latest poaching of a committed Illini recruit at the 11th hour only further validates my point. Quentin Snider, a recruit that committed to the fighting Illini turned the first 360 in his college career, but it wasn’t on the basketball court. The man, yes man (stop referring to these egomaniacal pricks as kids and acting like they entitled to a free pass to be deceiving and shady because of their age), went back on his word and signed a letter of intent to play at Louisville.

Although I think what Snider did is unforgivable, especially considering the timing, my real beef is with Retarded Ricky. How could any high school player want to play for this slime ball? The guy is corrupt in every sense of the word! He’s also about as good a coach as Obama is a president.

Rumor has it that Nick Saban is trying to steal Leron Black ūüėČ.

Andrew Murky, MBA

“Life’s as gay as you make it.” -Greg Brady

I am going to attempt to write an article about the NFL, specifically the NFC North. However, I would like to attach the disclaimer that professional football is not one of my most knowledgable sports. Anyway, now that we are nine weeks into the season, we have about as many answers as we did before training camp (regarding the NFC North – “THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE”). The three contenders, to no one’s real surprise, are the Lions, Packers, and Bears.

First, let’s take a look at the demonstrative Lions and their proclivity for playing dirty. This is the one team that has stayed healthy (relatively – don’t act like Bush is as important to your team as Cutler or Rodgers). They have had some very solid wins, but also gotten extremely lucky (Dallas Cowboy game). Megatron, probably the happiest guy in the league regarding the legalization of gay marriage, looks relatively unstoppable¬†now that he can suckface with other men. Suh, will continue to play dirty and pose a threat to any quarterback (no need to rush back this week Jay). However, Jim Schwartz is kind of a tool, and we all know how this story ends. An undisciplined team lead by a reckless coach will result in combustion. Best case scenario is that Detroit is competing for a wildcard spot entering the final weeks of the season.

Next up, the Packers. What’s not to like about the Packers…. A lot! This team is centered around Aaron Rodgers, and the last I checked he is out 4-6 weeks. This is extremely troublesome news when considering how piss-poor their defense is. To make matters even worse in the obese capital of the US, Seneca Wallace is the back up (’nuff said). Is number 4 taking phone calls? The sad part is that calling a 40 something year old would be a vast improvement over their current option. It’ll be interesting to see how the Packers do without Rodgers over the next month. Realistically, there is probably¬†no season for¬†Rodgers to save once he returns. Best case scenario: Packers bring back Favre and fans rock out to¬†Sound Garden¬†(or whoever was huge when he was donning the green – and no, not the Jets shit heads) and have a nice nostalgic moment.

Finally, let’s look at the Chicago Bears. Although the NFL might not be my “Forte,” any idiot (like me) realizes that Marc Trestman has this injury depleted Bears squad playing at an extremely high level. The Bears are also starting to get healthy. Jay Cutler should be back in the next week, and Lance Briggs is also set to return in the next month. I have no reason to believe the Bears won’t win the North. In Fact, the only reasonable scenario is the Bears win the North!

What do you think sports nation?

Andrew Murky, MBA

“How come toilets love eating shit, but throw up full grown dogs?” -Anonymous