Archive for August, 2014

As a writer I typically answer unasked questions. I make inferences about questions you’re dying to know the answer and then I give you a completely unbiased right-wing driven answer. Well, I have something really piquant for my reader’s this week; I’m going to type out my questions and provide a really stooopid answer. Hell, sometimes I’m not even going to provide answers but reply with another bogus question. I am hopeful that this will provide you (the readers) a unique glance into my “creative process.” So, grab a beer and join me on this little trip to candy mountain. Let’s begin.

Q: Do you think the Illini have enough this year to get to 6 wins?
A: Does Famous Dave’s BBQ kickass? A: Fuck Yeah it does!

Q: Will Wes Lunt pickup where Nathan Scheelhaase left off?
A: Well that’s a dumb question (although I asked it)… Someone who started as a true freshman at Ok State? It may take a week or two to get into a real groove, but by the time Illinois plays Washington, look for Wes to have settled in and this offense to be the most prolific in the B1G. RIP Braxton Miller.

Q: Does Youngstown State pose a threat to Illinois?
A: Not really, penguins aren’t indigenous to this area, and despite global cooling Champaign will still be too hot for penguins to compete. However! My answer would be different if the game was played under freezing water.

Q: If you had to liken this Illini defense to a type of cheese what type would it be?
A: Based off what we saw last year I would have to say Swiss. I hear they have made some improvements and that the pass rush should be much improved. Let’s hope! I would love to upgrade this defense to AMERICAN cheese at some point this season.

Q: How are the special teams this year?
A: This should be a real bright spot for this team. They have a very explosive return man coupled with some experienced kickers.

Q: What is the biggest concern for the Illini heading into this season?
A: Rebel alliances from the North. …also, the D.

Q: Will the Illini go undefeated this season and compete for a National Chamionship.
A: Yes.

Q: What’s your final score prediction for this week’s game?
A: A lot to kinda a lot.

Q: Do you like the new uniforms, or do you think they are just a distraction tactic for a team that has been historically bad the past two seasons?
A: Yes and Yes.

Q: What’s your favorite thing to do at tailgating?
A: Blame Obama for my shortcomings.

Well, that’s all the time I have today. Honest prediction for this week’s game:


Andrew Murky, MBA
“Eat shit and live!” -Ultralaster