Honorable mentions:
A League of Their Own
We love Tom Hanks and this would have made the top 10, but I just don’t buy into the premise that women can play sports(excluding stripping), or provide any type of real entertainment outside of comedic when attempting to do so. “Women can’t play baseball!” Well said Tom. And For those feminist out there screaming foul; get your big butts back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Tin Cup
This is one of the greatest golf stories ever told, but there was only room for two Kevin Costner flicks on our top ten, we do have a proclivity to think of Costner when thinking about sports. And With an ass like that who wouldn’t cast him?
Major League
“Just a bit outside.” This movie is loaded with tons of great one liners so it definitely earns an honorable mention.
The Replacements
Is it just me or do you also think Shane Falco could be a better nfl QB than Joe Flacco. Prove me wrong! Although Flacco wins the unibrow contest hands down!
Little Giants
Christina Ricci is the Ice Box. <insert completely inappropriate “box” joke here(or your penis)>
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for, the unbiased sports reporters top ten sports movies of all time!
10) Rookie of the Year
“Rowengardner!” The entire premise of this movie is fantastic. A squirrely looking kid, Henry Rowengardner, breaks his arm and it heals back with super human strength. The Chicago Cubs soon discover his talent after a home run is hit off the lovable losers, and Henry chucks the ball from center field to home plate. Also, Who can’t love a movie with Gary Busey? The man drinks his own piss! Ebert may have given this movie one thumb down but I give it Two thumbs up your butt!
9)Bull Durahm
Susan Sarandon, in my unbiased opinion, is uglier than Steve Buschimi on a bad day, but even her horse face can’t deny this movie’s brilliance. There is just something about minor league baseball that really makes this movie identifiable. It wouldn’t have had the same feel had it taken place in the big leagues. Just don’t go to this flick looking for any spank bank material, unless you’re into chicks that look like steaming piles of shit.
8) Rudy
The little engine that could. This is a true underdog story, and I think anyone ever picked last in gym can identify. Let’s not forget that If it wasn’t for Rudy, the ring of the Dark Lord Sauron would have never been destroyed…
7)The Mighty Ducks
Emilio!!!! Growing up we use to run a play on my CYO basketball team inspired by the flying-V. Of course we were all whistled for setting illegal picks, but the hilariousness of the flying V was great. This move taught me that if you drink and drive you will get pulled over, arrested, and assigned a rambunctious, yet talented, peewee hockey team to coach. This team will end up teaching you more than you could ever teach them. Think I’ll crack a few beers tonight and go for a drive (fingers crossed).
6)Rocky IV
“I ain’t hear no bell!” Rocky IV is the great American tale. If it wasn’t for Sly we’d all be speaking Russian and eating dog shit! America!
5)Jerry McGuire
“I’m not gonna do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do…” Gotta love Jerry McGuire and Rod Tidwell! However, I would not shoplift Renee Zellweger’s pootie for all the kwon in the world.
4)Hoosiers
Remember this drunk? He liked to party! This is one of my favorite comedies of all time. Dream big! Go Hoosiers!
3)Caddyshack
Bill Murray at his best. Who can’t help but love this tear jerker. Caddyshack is one of the most inspirational films ever made.
2)Field of Dreams
Kevin Costner again!? This movie is a masterpiece. It makes absolutely no sense, and I would have preferred an ending where the protagonist wakes up from a dream, a wet sloppy dream 😉
1) Return of the Jedi
Rather than justify why this is the greatest sports movie ever, I will let the following sound effects do the justification: Pew pew! Shhhhaaazzzz shhhhbang! Mrrrruuu! Vroom! Pew pew! Dooooshblam!
Well there you have it; our unbiased breakdown of the greatest sports movies ever made.
-Andrew Murky
unbiased sports reporters 